# 英语中级 · 第 12 周 Day 2｜按检查表逐条改稿

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**今天学什么**

昨天的初稿只完成了一半任务：写出来了，但没验过。今天拿本月的综合检查表当尺子，七条一条一条过，每改一处都在旁边写一句「为什么改」——不写理由的修改，下周还会犯同样的错。今天的目标不是把文章改漂亮，而是让结构站得住：立场能被反驳、段首是论点、例子后面有分析、连接词不重复、时态各归各位、字数落在 240—270、语法错误压到 4 处以内。改完你会得到一份可以拿去试讲的稿子。

## 一、今日任务

| 环节 | 时长 | 具体动作 | 产出 |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| 建修改日志 | 8 min | 通读初稿一遍，不改；新建三列表格：原文 / 改后 / 改的理由。理由只写「结构、清晰、语法、字数」四类之一 | 空日志表 + 通读印象 |
| 过前四条 | 20 min | 查立场句是否在引言末句且可反驳；查每段第一句是不是论点；查每个例子后有没有 This shows that；数 however 出现几次 | 结构类修改 ≥ 5 处 |
| 过后三条 | 20 min | 逐个动词查时态（观点现在、举例过去、预测 will/would）；数字数；查主谓一致、冠词、拼写 | 语言类修改 ≥ 5 处 |
| 誊清成稿 | 10 min | 把改后的版本另存为 v2，旧稿保留不动，方便对比 | 修改稿 |
| 统计归档 | 2 min | 记下改动总数、however 次数、最终词数、仍需保留的问题 | 统计三行 |

改稿有一个顺序问题：先改结构，再改句子。反过来做，你会花二十分钟打磨一句明天可能被删掉的话。结构类问题一次改一处，改完读一遍整段，确认前后还接得上；语言类问题可以批量扫，比如专门用五分钟只看动词，再用五分钟只看冠词，比一行一行看快得多。

## 二、核心词汇与搭配

| 词 | 音标 | 词性 | 释义 | 高频搭配 | 例句与翻译 |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| revise | /rɪˈvaɪz/（≈里怀兹·短） | v. | 修改、修订 | revise the draft | I revised the draft twice before sending it. 我改了两遍才发出去。 |
| vague | /veɪɡ/（≈韦格） | adj. | 模糊的 | a vague claim | The claim is too vague to argue against. 这个说法太模糊，无法反驳。 |
| tighten | /ˈtaɪtn/（≈泰特恩） | v. | 收紧、使紧凑 | tighten a sentence | Tighten the opening; it takes three lines to start. 把开头收紧，三行才入题。 |
| redundancy | /rɪˈdʌndənsi/（≈里丹德恩西） | n. | 冗余 | cut redundancy | Cutting redundancy saved forty words. 删冗余省了四十个词。 |
| qualify | /ˈkwɒlɪfaɪ/（≈克沃利法） | v. | 给…加限定 | qualify a claim | He qualified the claim with one condition. 他给这个说法加了一个条件。 |
| precise | /prɪˈsaɪs/（≈普里赛斯·短） | adj. | 准确的、精确的 | a precise figure | Use a precise figure instead of many people. 用具体数字代替「很多人」。 |
| omit | /əˈmɪt/（≈厄米特） | v. | 省略、漏掉 | omit a detail | I omitted the second example to save space. 我删掉第二个例子来省字数。 |
| consistency | /kənˈsɪstənsi/（≈克恩西斯特恩西） | n. | 一致性 | consistency of tense | Check the consistency of tense across paragraphs. 检查各段时态是否一致。 |
| awkward | /ˈɔːkwəd/（≈奥克沃德） | adj. | 别扭的、不通顺的 | an awkward phrase | This phrase sounds awkward in writing. 这个说法在书面语里很别扭。 |
| clarify | /ˈklærəfaɪ/（≈克莱若法） | v. | 澄清、讲清楚 | clarify the point | The example needs one sentence to clarify it. 这个例子需要一句话讲清楚。 |

## 三、语法/语篇/语音点

**主谓一致：长句里最容易漏的一处**

议论文句子长，主语和谓语之间常插着 of 短语、从句、插入语，写到谓语时已经忘了主语是单是复。四条规则足够应付本月所有写作：

1. **看中心词，不看 of 后面**。The number of remote workers **is** rising. / A number of workers **are** leaving. number 前有 the 表单数，有 a 表「许多」用复数。
2. **each、every、either、neither 作主语用单数**。Each of the studies **shows** the same pattern. 即使后面跟复数名词，谓语也不变。
3. **there be 就近**。There **is** one reason and two risks. / There **are** two risks and one reason. 这种句子最好改写成 Two risks and one reason exist，省得读者别扭。
4. **关系从句的谓语跟先行词**。He is one of the few managers who **support** the change. who 指 managers，用复数；如果写 the only one of the managers who supports，才用单数。

| 类型 | 错误 | 正确 | 原因 |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| of 短语干扰 | The number of cars are increasing. | The number of cars is increasing. | 中心词是 the number，单数 |
| each 作主语 | Each of the studies show a gap. | Each of the studies shows a gap. | each 表单数，谓语加 s |
| 关系从句 | She is one of the few staff who supports it. | She is one of the few staff who support it. | who 指 staff，复数 |

还有三种情况值得单独记：**并列主语用 or / nor 时，谓语跟最近的那个**（Neither the teachers nor the head **was** told.）；**data 在学术写作里常作复数**（The data **suggest**…），但普通文章用 information 更稳；**集合名词 team、government、family 英式可单可复，但一篇里必须统一**，前面写 the team is，后面就不能写 the team are。改稿时最有效的办法是把每个谓语动词圈出来，倒着找主语，中间的东西一律跳过。

## 四、句型与范例

下面 10 组是改稿时最常用的替换，左边是初稿里的弱句，右边是改后。每一组都附中文，方便你判断该用哪一组。

1. This topic is important. → Remote work should be limited to two days a week. 这个话题很重要。→ 远程办公应限制在每周两天。
2. Many people think… → It is often assumed that… 很多人认为…… → 人们常假设……
3. There are many reasons for this. → Two reasons matter most. 这有很多原因。→ 其中两个原因最关键。
4. For example, my friend. → A colleague of mine cut her commute by half last year. 比如我朋友。→ 我一位同事去年把通勤时间减少了一半。
5. This is very good for workers. → This gives workers back about six hours a week. 这对工人很好。→ 这每周为员工找回约六小时。
6. However, there are problems. → That said, the model has one clear limit. 但是有问题。→ 话虽如此，这个模式有一个明显局限。
7. Because it is cheaper, so companies like it. → Companies like it because it is cheaper. 因为更便宜，所以公司喜欢。→ 公司喜欢它，因为更便宜。
8. In conclusion, I agree with this. → In conclusion, the policy works only if teams plan their shared days. 总之我同意。→ 总之，只有团队安排好共处日，这个政策才有效。
9. The team have decided, and it is now testing. → The team has decided and is now testing. 团队已决定，正在测试。→ 团队已决定，目前正在测试。
10. This shows that it is useful. → This shows that the gain comes from saved time, not from comfort. 这说明它有用。→ 这说明收益来自省下的时间，不是舒适。

这十组替换的共同点，是把「评价」换成「事实」：不说很重要，说限制在两天；不说很多人，说具体的人数或比例；不说很好，说省下六小时。评价句读者无法验证，事实句可以。改稿时凡是看到 important、good、many、very 这类词，先问一句「具体是多少」，答得出来就换成数字，答不出来就删掉。

修改日志长这样，三列，一行一处，写完一眼能看出你今天动过哪些结构：

| 原文 | 改后 | 理由 |
| --- | --- | --- |
| This topic is important. | Remote work should be limited to two days a week. | 结构：立场句要能被反驳 |
| There are many reasons. | Two reasons matter most. | 清晰：去掉空话，给出数量 |
| The number of firms are growing. | The number of firms is growing. | 语法：主谓一致 |

## 五、练习

**A 词汇与翻译（8 题）** 用括号里的词翻译整句。

1. 我在提交前把稿子改了两遍。（revise）
2. 这个说法太模糊，没法反驳。（vague）
3. 把第二段收紧，删掉重复的例子。（tighten / redundancy）
4. 他给这个结论加了一个条件。（qualify）
5. 用具体数字代替「很多人」。（precise）
6. 为了控制字数，我略去了第三个理由。（omit）
7. 检查各段时态是否一致。（consistency）
8. 这个句子读起来别扭，需要讲清楚。（awkward / clarify）

**B 语法与改写（6 题）**

1. The number of students who study abroad have risen. → 改主谓一致。
2. Each of the two plans have a weakness. → 改主谓一致。
3. Neither the manager nor the staff was informed. → 这句对吗？如不对，改并说明。
4. There is three reasons for this change. → 改。
5. She is one of the few teachers who supports the plan. → 改。
6. 把这句 32 词的长句拆成两句：Although the report, which was published last month by a team of researchers in three countries, suggests that remote work reduces commuting time, it also notes that the effect depends on the type of job.

**C 输出（2 题）**

1. 按检查表七条改你的初稿，存为 Day02_essay_v2.md，并写一张至少 10 行的修改日志（表头：原文 / 改后 / 理由）。
2. 用 60 秒口头说明你改动最大的三处和理由，不看稿。这是为 Day 3 的提纲做热身——能说清为什么改，才讲得清为什么这样安排。

## 六、参考答案

**A**

1. I revised the draft twice before submitting it.
2. The claim is too vague to argue against.
3. Tighten the second paragraph and cut the repeated example.
4. He qualified the conclusion with one condition.
5. Use a precise figure instead of many people.
6. I omitted the third reason to keep within the word limit.
7. Check the consistency of tense across paragraphs.
8. This sentence sounds awkward and needs clarifying.

错题点：第 3 题 cut 后面直接跟宾语，不加 off；第 5 题 instead of 后面跟名词或动名词，不跟句子；第 8 题 need 后面可跟动名词 clarifying，也可写 needs to be clarified，两种都对，但不要混成 needs clarifying to。

**B**

1. The number of students who study abroad has risen.
2. Each of the two plans has a weakness.
3. 不对。Neither A nor B 的谓语跟最近的主语，staff 是复数，应为 were informed；如果最近的是单数，才用 was。
4. There are three reasons for this change.
5. She is one of the few teachers who support the plan.
6. The report was published last month by a team of researchers in three countries. It suggests that remote work reduces commuting time, but the effect depends on the type of job.

第 1、2 题错在把 of 后面的复数当成了主语；第 5 题错在 who 指 teachers 而不是 she；第 6 题拆句时把 although 删掉，用 but 承接转折，逻辑不变但更好读。

**C 评分要点与改写示范**

评分要点：结构类修改不少于 5 处（立场句、段首论点、例子分析句、however 次数、结论呼应）；语言类不少于 5 处（时态、主谓一致、冠词、拼写）；修改日志每条理由必须落到四类之一，不写「读起来更好」这种空话；改后词数 240—270，however 不超过 2 次。

一段改前改后对照（约 85 词）：

> 改前：There are many reasons why working from home is good. For example, my friend. She save time. However, some people think it is bad. However, I think it is good. In conclusion, this topic is important.

> 改后：Two reasons explain why remote work helps. A colleague of mine used to spend two hours a day commuting; after her team moved to two remote days, she used that time for planning. That said, the model has one limit: new staff learn more slowly without people around them. In conclusion, remote work pays off only when teams plan their shared days.

改后 62 词，however 出现 0 次，用 that said 承担转折；例子后补了 she used that time for planning，把「例子」变成「证据」。

## 七、今日输出与自查

| 检查项 | 标准 | 打勾 |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 修改稿 | Day02_essay_v2.md，240—270 词，四段齐全 |  |
| 修改日志 | ≥ 10 行，每行有原文、改后、理由三列 |  |
| 检查表七条 | 逐条打勾，立场句与段首论点两条必须过 |  |
| 连接词 | however 全文 ≤ 2 次，至少用出 2 种替代说法 |  |
| 语法 | 通读后语法错误 ≤ 4 处；A + B 共 14 题对 ≥ 11 |  |

## 八、明日预告

Day 3 换赛道：从写转到讲。你要选一个题目，搭出 5 分钟演示的五段提纲，每段标时间与关键词，再提前写好 3 个过渡句。今天改稿时练的「段首给论点」，明天会变成「每段开头先报路标」。